All of my stories are still about other people. I’m bored so I run; I’m running from the fact that I’m boring. You had a tiny spark of chaos in you. Is what I did with Elton really so different? A part of me knew he was lying. There are some ways in which I refuse to be like Thomas. A love story between two porn stars. Samantha is manipulative. Two men who worship you. I can’t think of anything more poisonous. “I have an over-capacity for love.” I wish I could abandon my morals like that. I hope she knows that as soon as she sleeps with him they’ll be over and she’ll deserve it and he’ll realize how empty it all was and he’ll deserve that. Men want women who are used to men moral law wanting them. “I win.” human consciousness even in this you need to win. “She needs me more now,” “she was awful to me then.” I hope you’re very happy together. Frame it as a philosophy lesson. Agnosticism is not a stance on theism. Atheism is agnosticism. The ontological argument. Thomas and I are all language. Teleological argument. Connor follows my laws. Cosmological argument. Eli and Layla how have you been there? What makes you explode? You always started it all. Omnipotence. Sometimes I think I am. Let’s just forget it all. Grab some Gin, talk to Ptolemy for awhile. I don’t want to go to heaven, I just want to know what its like to ascend. Falling makes me nauseous; space is cold. Tell me why the horoscopes survived. The earth is not the center of creation. It must’ve been nice to think ourselves special in that way. How come poets never write about biology? Why is chemistry so much less sexy than the stars. Society convinces us that every time we’re having sex we’re being used. Society keeps telling me that I’m thinking about you too often. Society keeps telling me that I’ve become the teenager. The accusatory one bittered by frequent conversations with society. Henotheism. There are many gods and we choose to worship one. I wonder what I’ll look like when I’m old. I’ll wonder if I’ll care when I’m old. Can I be old now? All of this is exhausting.